If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
