my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
