ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
