Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
