I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
