Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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