The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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