you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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