Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
