all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
