You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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