And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I understand Curling. That high.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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