I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
