Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
