My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
