I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
