Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
