Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
