ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i don't like sucking hair
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
