Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
