shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
