The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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