You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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