As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
