My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
