literally had 100 drinks last night.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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