It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
