Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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