Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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