who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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