A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
