I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
