there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
