i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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