Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
