shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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