I need help removing her.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didn't notice because vodka
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
