I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
