I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
