ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
