so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
