This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
