I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
