THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
