Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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