I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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