Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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