In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
