I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
