dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
