ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
