You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
