Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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