Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
