I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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