Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
