If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
